


"I've endured far worse"

by elawless



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Coma, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Neil almost dies, Renee is an angel, or doesn't he
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-05-29 14:11:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elawless/pseuds/elawless
Summary: “s’nothing” Neil slurred.“Isn’t it?” Andrew challenged.“I’ve endured far worse than a bruise in m’stomach” Neil said gesturing to the array of scars that littered his skin.





	1. Enduring

Neil had always been good at running, he learned how to dodge any attack that was aimed at him with ease. His body conditioned a response to people approaching him to sidestep out of the way and to start running in the opposite direction to save himself. He had spent the better part of eight years perfecting that response. Every day was the same, “look over your shoulder, but don’t look paranoid” and “one misstep could cost you your life, so tread lightly” were mantras added to all the other things his mother instructed him to do. Neil had eight years of practiced footwork, and the ability to run without tiring if his life demanded it, and not only run for as long as he needed, but also as fast as he needed. He was ready to spring free from danger and save himself from any danger or harm at a moment’s notice.

Now, after one year, all of these instinctive reactions seemed to fade. He stopped looking for inside steps away from people on the street, and on the court. The calculated dodges were now taken over by his passion running head-on into a backliner he was facing in a game. Neil slowly was changing from a rabbit, into a true fox. His teammates would consider this good, an improvement from the broken and jumpy boy they found almost a year ago, but today Neil needed to dodge away from the threat that stood in front of him on the court. Sometimes, he needed to be the rabbit he had played as for so long.

It was after halftime in the game, foxes were winning, barely, against a violent team that was willing to do whatever it takes to take the victory and have a shot at finals, not to mention, having bragging rights for ruining the Foxe’s record for a perfect regular season. As usual, when the foxes were close, the original team was sent on court while the freshman watched in awe at the fluidity and harmony in which they played. Neil had, as expected, bargained with Andrew to shut down the goal, while Kevin ripped Neil a new one for not scoring more than five goals yet, despite Neil being the team captain now and it not being his job to criticize. Frustrated, Neil stopped playing so carefully, and instead chose to match the intensity of his opponents, more specifically, the towering 6’2” backliner he was paired with.

Within the first 20 minutes, Neil had scored three more goals to bring his total to 7 while Kevin added two more to bring their total score to 15. Andrew maintained his end of the deal Neil had made with him and kept the opponents frozen at 9 goals, the single digit looking smaller and smaller as the unstoppable pair of strikers continued to best their defense. Neil and Kevin, now comfortable with their lead, started to instead focus on possession of the ball and different racquet handling techniques they had been practicing at night practices paying no mind to any need to rapidly score any more goals. With such a lead and Andrew’s not-so-pseudo-effort, Wymack signaled to Kevin and Neil on a foul whistle that he would be taking them off the next time the refs blew a whistle.

Knowing they had limited time, Neil and Kevin wanted to get one more goal each, just to put the icing on the cake of their victory. Dan easily took possession of the ball from a worn out backliner and slugged it in Neil’s direction, overshooting a little bit to allow Neil to gain more momentum from a sprint up the court. Neil, in full sprint and unable to turn his feet he hit it in Kevin’s direction, before inevitably running into the back wall of the court. Neil wasn’t focusing like he should have, he wasn’t looking at where he was going and searching for any immediate threat that may be in front of him. Something that is a deadly threat to a rabbit on the run.

As soon as the ball left his racquet, Neil’s gut collided with the blunt bottom end of a backliner’s heavy racquet and was slammed into the side wall of the court with a loud crash, his head colliding with the unforgiving plexiglass before he hit the floor.

Neil’s vision went white for a second and his ears rung an agonizing high-pitched frequency. He had been used to his head making contact with an unforgivable force by someone he’d rather forget, but it had been so long that the loss of vision shook him for a moment before he could recollect his thoughts and bring his world back into focus.

After a handful of seconds, a blurry picture of everything came to him and his hearing quality matched that of someone a few inches underwater.

He could make out Kevin’s face, concerned for his health, probably for a less than sympathetic reason, Andrew’s head directly over him, expression blank and unreadable, while Abby’s calm voice echoed “Neil? Can you hear me? Neil, I need you to look at me. How many fingers am I holding up at the moment?”

Neil rolled his eyes while he sat up, which was a mistake as pain flooded his head and abdomen where the stick and wall made contact. He lifted a hand to his head and winced as he applied the smallest amount of pressure to it to get his helmet off.

“mmgonnabesick” he squeezed out.

“Ok we are going pick you up, and get you to the locker room” Abby stated but waited for Andrew to quite literally do the heavy lifting. Neil barely made it to the locker room before he threw up everything but his will to live in the toilet. With no energy left to get up, he rested his head against the cool porcelain while waiting for Andrew to come get him.

“Get up” Andrew commanded. Neil shakily got to his feet, but his balance was shot, he looked at Andrew with alarmed eyes once he realized he was going to collapse into him. Andrew let out an exhausted sigh at Neil’s obvious concern. “Stop it or I’ll leave you on the floor.” He helped Neil to the showers and stripped him down slowly so as not to knock him off balance and let his head make contact with the tile floor. After he was satisfied with Neil being clean he stepped back to examine how he was doing. Neil was leaning heavily into the wall and a deep purple bruise formed in his gut.

“s’nothing” Neil slurred.

“Isn’t it?” Andrew challenged.

“I’ve endured far worse than a bruise in m’stomach” Neil said gesturing to the array of scars that littered his skin.

Andrew switched his gaze from Neil and washed the sweat from the game off before helping Neil change out after he had done so himself.

As they walked out, Andrew’s arm still supporting Neil at his waist, Neil occasionally wincing at the pain. Abby immediately followed an intensive concussion intensity check, of which Neil was impressively able to pass. Only because he had memorized the answers from when his other teammates had to do the same thing to make sure he wasn’t benched any longer than he wanted.

Andrew cocked an eyebrow in Neil’s direction as each answer was obviously premeditated but said nothing, as Neil knew the consequences of the choice he was making, and right now, he trusted Neil to know when his head was okay and when it wasn’t.

“Okay, well Neil, I still want you to sit out the next four to five days of practice and we’ll see how you feel for next week’s game. Anything else?” Abby pressed.

“No. I’m fine,” Neil answered complacently.

“Ok, if you feel anything but fine, come to me. Take this for the headache and drink these two bottles of water bore you get on the bus.” Abby stated before leaving Neil and Andrew to the couch while she went off to go patch up the other wounds the foxes were no doubt sporting after the game.

“Are you not going to tell her about the other bruise?” Andrew asked, staring forward, masking any hint of concern.

“No, because it is just that; A bruise.” Neil shot back, almost defensively. Andrew didn’t respond, he only got up and grabbed their bags and gear from the locker room.

After the team clambered onto the bus, Kevin already tipsy before he found his seat, Neil allowed himself to sleep, so long as he complied with Andrew’s rule that he wakes him once an hour before they get back to the court.

Neil’s headache pounded against his skull, the painkillers and ice he was given helped minutely. The pain in his head seemed to fight against everything he was doing to get rid of it, his chest was tight and his breathing was less than easy. He chalked the weakness in his legs to the exhaustion Kevin and he pushed through like any other game except his bruise’s pain never faded.

By the time they reached court, Neil was ready to sleep off the concussion and get breakfast the next morning. He clumsily walked to Andrew’s car and plopped into the passenger seat, earning a disapproving look from Andrew before he drove the monsters back to the tower. Kevin and Nicky were out in a matter of seconds in a slumber that could not be disturbed if the fire alarm in the building went off. Neil went to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face, blinded by the bathroom light, his vision was spotty, and was thankful for the lights being off when he walked into the bedroom. Andrew was slipping off his bands, walked over to Neil and slid his off for him as well before jerking his head in the direction of his bed as a silent invitation. Neil complied and mustered enough strength to haul himself to the top bunk. By now his head and stomach were throbbing and he failed to even make out the outline of Andrew’s face.

“Staring,” Andrew said.

“No ‘mnot.” Neil said lazily, willing his brain to shut off.

“Whatever, go to sleep junkie,” Andrew said before flipping the switch off of a light Neil didn’t know was on.

-

Four hours later Neil woke up for what seemed like the last time.

The pain mixed with an overwhelming feeling of nausea washed over him and woke him from his sleep.

“Drew” Neil croaked as he stumbled out of bed. He crawled over to the bathroom and started throwing up. He hadn’t bothered turning on the lights, and when he heard Andrew turn them on, his vision was off. He saw black and white spots in his vision. What he could make out was the blood and bile coming out of his mouth. His abdomen was in agony; the pain was unbearable. His head was the least of his problems.

“Neil!” Andrew gripped the back of his neck with one and used the other to call 911. “Hello, my boyfriend is throwing up blood. I need an ambulance.” He hated such a casual label to be slapped onto who Neil was to him, but he didn’t have time for technicalities. He paused before stating “Palmetto State University, Fox Tower Room 317” and hung up abruptly. “Neil!” he snapped.

By then Neil had nothing left to throw up and felt numbness creep into his hands and legs.

“Drew. I’m going numb. I can’t see” Neil gripped his stomach.

“Yes or no?” Andrew pressed urgently.

“Yes” and Andrew was quickly pulling Neil’s shirt up to examine his abdomen. Deep bruises had formed around Neil’s naval and spread across his waist.

Andrew delicately held Neil’s sagging head in his hands looking into his eyes in a desperate attempt to convey the words he couldn’t say out loud. He saw Neil’s nose start to bleed and felt he was watching Neil die. His eyes started to droop and he coughed more blood down the front of both their shirts. Andrew didn’t care. “Look at me, Neil. Keep your eyes open, you hear me. Eyes open!”

“NICKY. KEVIN. ANYONE GET IN HERE!” Andrew bellowed not removing his gaze from Neil.

After several pairs of lazy footsteps clambered into the cramped bathroom to see what possessed the monster to raise his voice to such a volume. Renee, the only sober one, Allison, Dan, Matt, and Aaron piled in, Nicky and an inebriated Kevin close behind all saw Neil suffering again and it wasn’t any easier this time around. They thought they had seen the worst of it less than a year ago. They were wrong.

After everyone let out a collective gasp and the sight in front of them.

“I called 911. Someone call Wymack and Abby now.”

“On it” Renee responded, “Anything else?”

“Two rags, one damp and one saturated,” Aaron said calmly. Andrew was still holding his gaze on Neil. Neil lifted his eyes and squinted to see a cluster of blurry faces in the shadowy doorway and squinted. A small bead of blood oozed from the crevices of his ears with the added pressure.

“Holy fuck, Neil.” Matt let out.

“Get out.” Andrew hissed before Renee came back with the rags.

Aaron stepped into the bathroom hesitantly and said, “I can help him. Take the saturated one and get water into his mouth, I need to get some of this blood off of him so the paramedics know where to start. Get his legs out from under him and stretch his body out now.” With a curt nod as permission, Andrew allowed Aaron to help the broken boy in front of him.

  
With what little grip he had left in his numbing hands, Neil grabbed Andrew’s shirt sleeve with an unparalleled sense of urgency.

“Drew I’m sor-” another blood-filled cough filled his lungs and cut him off before Andrew could do it himself.

“Don’t apologize to me. Just focus on staying alive.” He gritted his teeth, ignoring the suppressed sigh Aaron let out and did as he was told. He recognized Aaron was doing this when he could be sleeping off a major hangover with Katelyn and for that he was grateful, but he would never tell him.

“Neil, I need you to focus on what hurts right now and tell me exactly where and what it feels like. Do not downplay it. This is important.” Andrew noticed Aaron’s time volunteering at the hospital in Columbia started to pay off and was not a complete waste of time in the summer.

As Neil listed his injuries, broken with coughs and gags every few words, Andrew listened for the ambulance that would no doubt arrive at any moment. He looked at the hand still weakly clutching his sleeve and decided he would get on the ambulance with him if it was the last thing he did.

Not soon enough did the EMTs burst into the room following Renee and took in the scene before them. Neil’s eyes were barely open, his head lolled to one side while Aaron listed all the signs and symptoms Neil had relayed only minutes before. Neil’s numb hand dropped from Andrew’s sleeve as he was loaded onto a gurney and wheeled down the hall. Andrew followed close behind, the team following suit. Their livers drunk but their minds horrifyingly sober.

After giving one EMT a glare that would freeze hell over when challenged to stay behind, Andrew climbed into the ambulance. He tossed his keys to Renee and faintly heard Wymack’s and Abby’s voice from the parking lot before the doors slammed shut. He grabbed one of Neil’s limp hands and swore he saw the corner of his mouth turn up a little before going slack again. Neil’s eyes were unfocused but he knew Andrew was there and the pain eased only a little.

Andrew hated how Neil could focus on smiling because of him instead of focusing on staying alive. He squeezed it for good measure and dully answered any questions the people in the truck with him may have. It was the longest and shortest ride Andrew had endured all at once. He was allowed in all the way until the surgical ward’s doors. They were shut in his face and he was held back. The smallest EMT that he had glared at earlier whispered to him as she helped hold him back, “they have him now, you need to step back and wait or they won’t let you stay. If you calm down, I may be able to get the doctor to allow you in even though you aren’t family.”

Andrew froze at her words. He shrugged the other three people off of him and looked her dead in the eyes. “If you are lying, you will regret it,” he said as he stalked back to the waiting room and sat in the chair furthest from everyone else. He stared tried to busy his mind, fighting to not recall all of the chances he had to tell someone about Neil’s injury and trying to stop his perfect recall from showing Neil’s face deteriorate before his eyes. He settled for counting the dots in the cheap ceiling tiles and examining the paint peeling from the corners around the room.

Sometime later, the team all filled the waiting room at once. Abby immediately went to the receptionist for an update while everyone moved in Andrew’s direction. He put one hand up to signal not to bother him while the others found their seats. It was 5 am on a Saturday in the middle of November, not many people were in the waiting room anyway. One mother and son were sitting quietly in a corner; another couple was sat ridged in two chairs on the other side of the room leaving one half of the waiting room to the foxes.

Abby came back with a grim expression and sat next to Wymack looking at Andrew in disbelief. “He had internal bleeding from blunt force trauma to the abdomen. It was a slow bleed which is why it took over eight hours for the symptoms to really show up….” She trailed off. “I didn’t see it. I didn’t even look. How could I not have looked?” she uttered in disbelief.

“Abby, no one blames you” Dan started and the others expressed their individual statements of agreement.

“What did the receptionist say?” Wymack asked, knowing Andrew would not ask Abby himself.

She swallowed her emotions before she spoke with clarity, “the bleeding was at an excessive amount because it had so much time to manifest, although, no major vessels were hit, which is good. The amount of blood lost is alarming and they had to take him into surgery to remove the blood buildup throughout his body. The vision loss and bleeding through the nose and ears is also not as good as it could either indicate a brain bleed or severe trauma to other parts of the body. But right now they need to drain the blood, find the source and patch it and get his blood pressure back up to see if the symptoms ease up. If it is more severe then they originally had thought, Neil could be looking at permanent damage.”

Kevin’s eyes flickered to Andrew. They both knew what that final sentence meant. If Neil didn’t recover fully, he was a dead man walking in the Moriyama’s eyes, an investment gone to waste and must be terminated. With that, Jean and Kevin could also be put in danger as it was Neil’s leverage and a deal that secured their ‘safety’ in the first place.

“He’ll pull through. He always does” Wymack state to reassure himself and the family he was surrounded with. A couple of hours passed in the waiting room. Some of the team left on a coffee run when Allison and Renee suggested caffeine may make them feel better, others walked around the hospital aimlessly, snagging sugary snacks from the vending machine in an attempt to quell the uneasy feeling that sat like a rock in their stomach.

Finally, a man with a white coat over some blue scrubs stepped out in the waiting room. “Is there a Mr. Minyard and Mr. Wymack?”

Before the question was finished, Andrew had already crossed the room, Wymack close behind.

“Neil Josten just got out of surgery. He lost a lot of blood which lowered his blood pressure significantly causing the numbness described by your brother. Vision loss could have resulted from the bleeding combined with the trauma to the head. Now, he still is unconscious from the mild anesthesia we put him under but he was already unconscious when we began operating with minimal responsiveness.” He paused. “We have no way of knowing when and or if he will wake up.” The doctor turned to Wymack. “His records show no family or next of kin to contact-” he began.

“We are Neil’s family, there is no one else.” Wymack cut him off and responded plainly, with an authoritative edge underneath it.

“I spoke with Kathy, she was an EMT who responded to the other Mr. Minyard’s call and she explained that, with my discretion, I should allow Mr. Andrew Minyard into the room despite not being related. I will allow all other ‘family’ members during normal visiting hours after he wakes up. Seeing as there is no one here right now, however, you all may follow me to his room if you would like?”

“Go,” Andrew said without hesitation or looking back, urging the doctor forward, leaving Wymack to tell the others of the doctor’s generosity.

The doctor strode down a maze of white-tiled floors with beige walls that seems to blend together after the first five or six turns. Andrew would have the route memorized, but the others may have a harder time finding their way out.

Finally, the doctor stopped at a nondescript door and let Andrew into Neil’s room. At first glance, it looked like Neil was getting some much-deserved rest from his tireless effort to stay at the top of the rankings in exy and stay in favour of the Moriyamas. Once Andrew stepped closer, the perceived peacefulness morphed into a nightmare.

Neil was laying half sitting up in the hospital bed with three different needles running into his left arm. Oxygen tubes wrapped around his body and were placed under his nose, the strain of his breathing audible. His skin was almost translucent and sallow, all colour had disappeared from his face, saving the deep purple bruising that was across his head and the bags under his eyes.

Andrew forgot the doctor was even standing there, or that he was rattling off some more ominous facts about Neil’s condition. He didn’t even notice when nine other bodies started filing in the room, taking in the same haunting sight before them and badgering the doctor for information. All he could think was ‘Don’t leave’. He walked towards the bed at a slow pace, calculating each step, sorting every fleeting feeling of emotion and challenged any of them to break the surface. He sat in the chair facing Neil’s bed and stared for a moment longer before grabbing his hand. He half expected the same weak smile he saw hours ago in the ambulance to break through, or for the smallest amount of pressure to be applied to let Andrew know he knew he was there. Instead, Neil gave him nothing, and the thought made him uneasy.

“How long again?” Andrew asked plainly, silencing the room.

“There is no real way to know. We can only gue-” the doctor stated again

“Then provide your best guess” Andrew retorted, venom lacing the undertones of his words.

“A day or two is the best case right now. He seems resilient. With the amount of blood he lost internally and the evidence of bleeding through his nose and ears…he should have been a D.O.A.” With that the doctor left, leaving the foxes to be with Neil.

Nicky gasped and turned into Dan, Renee, and Matt. Allison clutching a free hand from Renee. Kevin’s mouth formed a tight line and even Aaron’s shoulder tensed. Abby leaned into Wymack for support. No one dared invade Andrew’s space right now. Instead, they grabbed chairs and sat around on the other side of Neil’s bed for a few more hours.

After stomachs began to growl and headaches set in from the unforgiving ray of LED lights, the team all silently agreed to leave to get dinner and a good night’s rest and check to see if any change had happened in the morning. Andrew made no movement to indicate he planned to leave with the team.

  
Andrew left Neil’s side once in a span of twenty-four hours to use the restroom and grab an obscene amount of sugary snacks from the vending machines. As promised, the nurses made no effort to remove Andrew from the room as they ran tests and administered medicine. The next day the team showed up to check on Neil when no change was reported they all left. Renee and Nicky came back a few hours later with a change of clothes and blanket for Andrew and dropped them off in Neil’s room. Andrew only acknowledged the gesture with a grunt when Renee said goodbye before they left. When sleep threatened to take over Andrew allowed a break to change and clean himself up in the bathroom. His cravings for a smoke came into focus after over a day and a half but he refused to be weak and give into them.

With that, he walked back into Neil’s room, sat in his self-assigned chair, returned Neil’s hand into his grip and fell asleep with his forehead against their hands on the bed, willing Neil to wake up.

Monday passed without so much as a blip out of place on the EKG. Nicky and Renee insisted that Andrew go back to the dorm to shower, change and sleep in a normal bed for a night and that they would stay the night for him if he wanted. He stared into them with utter exhaustion and frustration across his face before getting up to drive to the tower. Renee dropped Andrew’s keys in his hand before he was out the door.

Outside in fresh air, Andrew allowed a single moment of weakness by imagining what would happen if Neil never woke up, or if he did, the possible side effects that could happen because of the coma. Every possibility that ended in Neil not waking up and recovering quickly ended in his head becoming a target for the Moriyama’s hit men. He burned two cigarettes down to the filters by the time he got to the tower, satiating his craving for nicotine the hospital vehemently protested against. His appearance did not go unnoticed as he made his way to his room. The girls peaked out of their room, some freshman behind them, and he opened the door to his room. Matt and Aaron were sitting on the couch playing video games, Kevin was nowhere to be seen. Probably at a stress-induced practice again. Andrew thought to himself.

“A-Andrew! Hey, uh how’s uh Neil?” Matt eagerly said, careful not to say too much to avoid a knife being put to his throat.

“Fine,” Andrew uttered, not bothering to look in their direction. He quickly stripped down and stepped into the shower without waiting for the water to heat up. Just as it began becoming lukewarm Andrew had already finished, got out and dried off. He went through the motions of getting ready for bed, but his focus remained on keeping his mind blank, steady, the way he liked it. Ignoring the world around him was easy to do with the need to sleep taking over. He set an alarm on his phone to wake him up at 7 am, allowing nine hours of precious sleep. He left his ringer on high instead of silent should he get a phone call from Renee, Nicky, or the doctor. He wanted to sleep but he also wanted to be with Neil, but even he knew that if Neil woke up, Andrew would not be much help in the state he is in. With that thought, he fell into a numbing asleep.

When he woke to his alarm blaring in the room, a solitary groan expressed Kevin’s disapproval which Andrew ignored. He climbed out of bed and got dressed without thinking and headed out the door.

When he sat in his car he opened his phone to call Renee, “I’m on my way.”

“Ok, no change.” She responded in a worn voice before Andrew snapped the phone shut and pushed the gas pedal a little harder.

He walked through the waiting room without giving the receptionist so much as a sideways glance before taking the route through the many hallways to Neil’s room. Nicky had a cup of coffee in his hand, white with creamer and sugar. He handed it to Andrew and spoke.

“Class?”

Andrew’s face remained expressionless.

“Practice?”

Andrew cocked a single eyebrow in response. Renee got up from the chair Andrew traditionally sat in and smiled sweetly.

“His breathing is getting easier. And there have been no signs of any more bleeding or other problems.” She stepped forward. “Call if you need anything.” She flicked a gaze to Nicky and the pair of them left in silence. When he went to sit down, the book he had been reading was in his place. Renee had left it there, knowing how loud thoughts can get. When he sat down and opened it a note fell out of it with the message in Renee’s writing that read:

Aaron and Kevin said this was the one you were reading currently. _Breathe. He won’t allow himself to leave his family._

He tucked the note in the back of the book and started from the place he left off.

The day passed in a blur like the others and Andrew grew stiff in his chair that lacked any semblance of comfort. The lights were kept dim and the beeping of the monitors faded into the background the more Andrew got used to them. Like before, Andrew slumped over onto Neil’s bed willing him to wake up as he fell asleep.

Andrew was a light sleeper. He had to be. Years in the foster system of California made him that way. Adding any more stress would emphasize that even further, he allowed his eyes to shut and he drifted, but every time a pair of soft footsteps passed outside the door to Neil’s room, or a nurse leaned in to record any changes, Andrew became acutely aware of any shift in his surrounding, but remained motionless to feign sleep and not disturb Neil.

For once in his life, he was grateful for his uneasiness that came with sleeping in the open.

He felt the slightest amount of pressure applied to his hand by a single finger in his grasp. His head snapped upward and looked at it to see if he was imagining the sensation that was still being applied. He saw the minute evidence present when he saw a knuckle white with grip in his hand. He looked up to Neil’s face, unsure what to expect.

A pair of hooded blue eyes were staring into his, and he could make out the small crease in Neil’s cheek, evidence of a half-formed smile.

Andrew let out a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding in for what seemed to be for a very long time.

“Drew” Neil managed to croak. His throat dry with the lack of water. He managed a weak cough.

“Staring,” Andrew said, getting up to get a cup of water on the table beside Neil’s bed. The heart rate monitor jumped for the split second when Andrew was out of Neil’s sight. His eyes widened as much as he could manage in his weak state. Andrew came back into view and helped Neil take a few sips of water before he slumped back in bed, looking exhausted from the whole ordeal. Still unable to speak, Neil tried to convey all of his questions through his expression. Andrew, knowing what Neil wanted to ask.

“You’re not fine. You had severe internal bleeding combined with severe head trauma. You have been out for almost three days now. You are safe. No, I don’t know when you can play again and you are not getting on the court anytime soon junkie.”

Neil’s brows pinched together.

Despite wanting to enjoy the peace and quiet with Neil and no one else, he pressed the call button for a nurse to record Neil being awake. He then reached for his phone and sent a solitary word to Wymack’s phone that read: Awake.

He put it away and ignored the string of flashed that resulted from his screen lighting up from messages no doubt from the group chat. The others must have taken their phones off silent as well. He focused his attention back to Neil’s whose expression softened despite the bad news (the kind related to exy, not the kind related to his medical condition) but still help a question which Andrew could not decipher.

The nurse came in the door, interrupting their thoughts and began taking routine recordings. “Hello Neil” she greeted warmly. “I’m your nurse Lauren and I am going to ask you a few questions for you if you can manage an answer?”  
“Ok,” Neil pushed.

“I need you to rate your pains from a scale of one to ten in the order of head, stomach, and chest.”

“4, 5, 3” Neil responded.

“Do not lie about his Neil” Andrew warned, knowing the amount of pain he must be feeling, even with the pain medicine, must be worse than Neil was letting on.

“'Mmnot” Neil slurred in response, attempting to glare at Andrew.

The nurse continued to take noted between their disagreement. “Okay, and do you still have any numb sensations or feelings?”

Andrew could see Neil actively focusing on moving his stiff body to check if he could move his legs, feet, and arms. “No.”

“Ok, well the doctor will be back in at nine this morning which is in 6 hours. Would you like some more pain medicine to help you rest?”

Neil shook his head sideways violently. “No” he croaked.

“Okay, no worries honey, you just press the call button if you need anything” she looked over at Andrew as a way of letting him know she trusted him to be the judge of that and left.

Neil looked at Andrew again and asked his question in the form of a statement. “I’m cold.”

Andrew sighed “That bed is too small.”

“It’s no smaller than yours at the dorm,” Neil argued, finally forming a full sentence.

“You are in pain and have too many tubes wrapped around you.”

“I can change that” and he began stripping the oxygen tubes from his body and tossed them aside, he reached for the IV drip and Andrew's hand grabbed his without thinking.

“Stop.”

Neil looked at their hands, relishing the warmth. “Yes or no?”

“If you stop trying to kill yourself, then yes.”

Neil moved his hand away from the needles going into his skin and instead stretched upward towards Andrew’s face, waiting for Andrew to close the space between them. Neil melted into Andrew’s kiss and closed his eyes as the pain seemed to dull as his mind became consumed with Andrew’s presence. Too soon Andrew pulled away which elicited a groan from Neil in protest.

“Still cold.”

“Still hate you.”

“I know you do,” Neil said as he moved to one side of the bed. Andrew climbed in with Neil leaving a couple of inches between them. “Yes or no?” Neil asked again.

“Still yes.” Andrew was in a good place so his comfort with the touches was overwhelming. He actually craved them to prove Neil was there with him.

Neil put an arm across Andrews stomach and rested his head on Andrew’s chest, listening to his breathing and copying the rhythm before he relaxed into sleep again.tomach

“220%,” Andrew said into the dark space above him, and he swore he felt Neil smile into his chest in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I want to write another chapter as a sequel going through Neil recovering or not. Leave a comment or kudos if you want me too! Much love <3


	2. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil have different ways at approaching recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so this went way longer than anticipated so yeah. Enjoy :)

Sleep, for once, was peaceful to Andrew, Neil was a warm heartbeat against his chest and he was able to relax enough to actually allow his body to rest, despite not being against a wall, he felt safe. Andrew woke to Neil talking. Something he never did when he first woke up, generally he would just get up and go for a run, or head to the gym if he was feeling restless. Of course, he couldn’t do that now hooked up to various IVs and wires.

 

“Andrew?” his name came as a question. Almost panicked in his sleepy state.

 

“What?” he replied.

 

“My head hurts.”

 

“Go back to sleep.”

 

“No, my eyes hurt too.”

 

Andrew sighed, getting ready to get out of bed he shifted and said, “I’ll call the nurse and she can give you some pain medicine.”

 

Neil violently jerked his head upwards, his face looking at Andrew’s with a horrified expression and gripped him tightly. Andrew saw crimson blossom across his eyes, drops of blood similar to those oozing out of his ears come from the corners of his eyes, then his nose. “Help me. It hurts so bad. Tell someone. Anyone. I don’t want to die. Not like this.” Neil pleaded with Andrew.

 

“Nurse!” Andrew bellowed. He jumped out of the bed and ran to press the call button, and raced into the middle of the hall. He saw no one. “SOMEONE GET ME A DOCTOR!” he yelled into the hallway again before returning to Neil.

 

“Andrew, help me.”

 

“I’m trying.” He responded, feeling helpless and angry all at the same time. No movement happened outside of the room, there was no indication anyone in the world had heard him. Neil started coughing violently, clutching his abdomen and smearing the blood around his face unable to breathe. Andrew felt helpless and feebly attempted to hold Neil upright and help him remember how to breathe.

 

Neil’s gaze never left Andrew’s face. The expression was blank and but his eyes only showed terror. “Why aren’t you telling anyone I’m dying? Do you want me to leave? I could have just run. Did you want it to be like this? Do you even care if I live or die?”

 

The words cut like a knife. “Shut up and just keep breathing.” You aren’t allowed to leave me. Andrew thought. Neil coughed up an obscene amount of blood once more and wheezed heavily. “Eyes on me junkie,” Andrew demanded as Neil’s eyes closed and head drooped. The annoying beeping the machines made had ceased, and still no one came. Andrew was left kneeling beside Neil’s bed cradling his head in his hands. “No. No. No. You can’t leave. Wake up. Neil, I swear to God you wake up right now or I’ll… I’ll...” He had no more threats to say. All he could do was get up and perform the CPR they had drilled into him in the eighth grade on Neil in hopes to get a blip on the machine. All he could hear was Neil saying “Andrew. Andrew. Andrew.” Over and over again in his head and getting louder and louder. He never faltered in his attempt to save Neil, no matter how loud his voice was in his head. He was going to see Neil utter his name again if it was the last this he saw Neil’s smart mouth do. Soon, Neil’s voice was a too loud to bear and everything went white.

 

“Andrew!” Neil yelled and Andrew jerked awake. Neil’s piercing blue eyes were looking at him from the far edge of the bed, as far as he could get from Andrew without physically breaking from the wires that confined him to it. Andrew, frozen in place looked at Neil, unable to believe if he was dreaming or not. Unable to understand what had just happened.

 

“You had a bad dream. I can try to get up and leave, but I didn’t know what you would need.” Neil paused. “Do you want me to leave? Yes or No?”

 

“No.” Andrew’s response had almost come immediately.

 

Neil’s eyes widened at the sudden response. If Andrew ever had a nightmare or a flashback, Neil almost always had to leave. Rare was the occasion when Andrew allowed him to stay. Their gaze was locked, neither willing to look away from the other, reading the messages hidden in their faces.

 

Andrew stretched one hand out in Neil’s direction in silent offering for him to take it and to convey the message, _Yes_ , to come back to him.

 

Without question, Neil took his hand and Andrew pulled him into his chest. Such an intimate gesture was rare and Andrew didn’t care so long as he could prove to himself that Neil was present and not dead. Knowing Neil could hear everything he was thinking he said “It’s nothing” knowing what it meant to Neil.

 

“Isn’t it?” Neil pressed, using Andrew’s words against him, daring him to reveal more than he wanted.

 

Andrew didn’t finish with the statement that “he had endured far worse” because, in truth, he didn’t think he had. The pain he just witnessed wasn’t just his own, but something he felt he caused, and that was something he couldn’t fix.

 

“Shut up and go to sleep,” he said nonchalantly. Neil complied, gripping Andrews arm tightly while Andrew traced a few of Neil’s scars mindlessly until the doctor arrived.

-

About fifteen minutes before the doctor arrived, a nurse came in to check on Neil’s vital signs and Andrew got out of bed, wanting to avoid any more personal questions from the doctor. Neil protested his absence but Andrew ignored his requests.

 

The doctor walked in and greeted Neil, “Mr. Josten, how nice of you to join us. How does it feel to be among the conscious?” The doctor joked jovially.

 

“Peachy” Neil responded deadpan and tired.

 

“Ah, well I see the pain medicine must be working as you rated your pain fairly low considering what you have been through and you managed the whole night without any additional doses of morphine.” He paused, almost taunting Neil to respond. He didn’t. “Let me have a look at the bruising across your abdomen and I am going to test the soreness of your head where it was struck.” He stuck his clipboard under his arm and walked to the other side of Neil’s bed. He learned his lesson from the first night Andrew stayed, Andrew was not a force to be reckoned with. The doctor pulled up the side of the gown to examine Neil’s stomach, “bruising is still very evident, it should go down within a few weeks or so.” He began gently pressing across the pattern to measure the sensitivity and soreness, also feeling for anymore buildup. Neil was maintaining his perfectly relaxed façade until the doctor touched a point between his naval and where the racquet made contact, he let out a small gasp and bunched up at the slight pressure. Andrews' eyes widened in anger gripping the chair as tight as he could, willing himself to not cross the room and snap the neck of the doctor that was too cheerful at causing Neil more pain.

 

“Hmm, still a bit tender there? What would you say your pain level is on a scale from one to ten?”

 

Neil paused, looking at Andrew’s face already consumed with anger at his pain, he didn’t want to add on by lying again. “Seven” Neil spat between clenched teeth.

 

The doctor took note of the rating with a raised eyebrow and moved on to Neil’s head. With the slightest pressure, he prodded at Neil’s temples and the sides of his head.

 

“eigh-NINE” he croaked, jerking his head away and squeezing his eyes shut. Andrew lurched out of his chair and grabbed Neil’s clenched hand. His grip excruciating around Andrew’s hand, but he allowed no expression of it to slip through his face to avoid Neil realizing that he was causing Andrew any sort of physical pain.

 

“Mr. Josten, I think you have not been completely honest with the level of your pain as you should barely be able to feel my hands. You need to minimize the pain and allow your body to focus on healing. Now,” he paused “I need to take you in for some scans and an MRI now that you are awake and we can check that all vessels were sealed and not leaking any more blood just to be sure.” He looked at Andrew. “This process could take anywhere from 6-8 hours and unfortunately I cannot allow you back to the screening rooms. We will take good care of Mr. Josten but I recommend taking the day. One of the nurses will phone when he is back in his room. Afterwards, we will administer pain medicine to help him sleep.”

 

Andrew looked at Neil, still clutching Andrew’s hand, albeit, with less pressure, to check to see if Neil would be okay if he left. Neil faintly nodded and Andrew dropped his grip, stretching his hand to regain the feeling he had lost, and left without a word and a mock salute to the doctor and Neil.

 

He couldn’t go back to fox tower, he didn’t want to deal with an insufferable team and he didn’t think he could sleep anyways. Instead, he decided to go to his classes for today, not because he wanted to, but because he knew if he didn’t go, he wouldn’t pass which meant he would be kicked off the team and separated from Neil and Kevin whom he vowed to protect until graduation, breaking his promise.

 

His phone still had an obscene amount of unread messages, He flipped his phone open, marked the whole conversation as read and went to class.

 

 

Neil hated being alone without Andrew but he knew that if he asked Andrew to stay, he would get himself into far too much trouble for his own good trying to stay with him.

 

The moment Andrew’s presence left his bed and the doctor began prodding his stomach and head, his pain came back with the intensity it had 3 days ago. He was wheeled to one room after another. In each room he was put to the mercy of a rattling machine for extended periods of time with extensive questionnaires and examinations to follow. He was given light pain meds to get him through the day, but at the end he was tired, exhausted and hungry. When the nurse dropped him back off to his room, he realized it was the time he should be getting out of practice. They had 3 days now until the next game.

 

“How long until I can play again?” Neil asked before she left.

 

“Honey you don’t need to be worried about that, right now just focus on he-” she started but Neil cut her off.

 

“How long?”

 

“With you being out for a few days and the damage done, the doctor is thinking a minimum of a week bedridden, and an additional 3-4 weeks of physical therapy to make sure your muscles and vessels heal and the stitches in your abdomen have time to dissolve.”

 

Neil gritted his teeth. “Can he shorten it?”

 

“No.” The response wasn’t from the nurse. It came from someone far more authoritative than a nurse. Andrew stood leaning in the doorway. Hair still damp from the shower he no doubt rushed through after practice.

 

“I’ll leave you two to it then. Let me know when you want to go to sleep so I can come back and give you your medicine” the nurse said as she stepped around Andrew in the doorway.

 

“I need to get back out there. If I don’t the Moriyamas will find out and-”

 

“And you are no good to them if you don’t heal right and then you’ll really give them a reason to...” and cut Neil off and then failed to finish his sentence, gesturing beyond himself to express the words he would not say.

 

Neil knew he would get nowhere with Andrew right now, however with the nurse, it might be a different story, she seemed to be someone easily intimidated by Andrew but equally charmed by Neil despite the company he had been keeping in his room for the past few days. Andrew could see the plan forming in Neil’s head and dismissed it as quick as it had formed in Neil’s mind.

 

“No,” Andrew said to Neil, ending the discussion.

 

“Ok. Well, you cut her off before I could ask. When can I leave? I don’t like hospitals.” Neil scrunched his nose up in disgust to emphasize this point. Of course, Andrew already knew that and had already asked on his way in.

“Later tonight if you behave. But depending on your willingness to take your pain medicine, they may wait until tomorrow morning.” Andrew said as a matter-of-fact.

 

“No, I’m fine. I’ll take my meds if it means I can go.” Neil said already attempting to get out of bed, grimacing with every movement.

 

Andrew stared with a blank expression, before walking over to the bedside table and pressing the button to call for the nurse. Within moments she arrived, Andrew suspected she had never been too far out of earshot in the first place. She came in already carrying her overflowing and decorated clipboard with Neil’s discharge papers on top and proceeded to get Neil through the process. Andrew excused himself for the duration of said process, not being able to endure any more utterances of the word “fine”.

 

After Andrew left, Neil had to do his best with the limited time he had to get the nurse to shorten the time he would spend riding the bench and not playing before he returned. As she was writing down his pain levels and reading off the doctor’s prescriptions he was to pick up before he left he seized his opportunity. “Lauren?” he said in the sweetest tone he could muster. His own voice disgusted him as it was dripping with sugar. “I know I need to be in bed for a week, non-negotiable, but could I do light physical therapy for a week or so and get reevaluated afterward by our team’s doctor then to work out when I can maybe start back with some light practices?” He batted his eyelashes and made eye contact with the nurse trying not to make it too obvious that he was manipulating her.

 

She was oblivious and a sucker for it.

 

“Well, I see that you have been doing very well with the test results coming in, and I don’t see why that isn’t a viable option. I’ll put the recovery schedule request in with the doctor and see if he agrees. You should get a phone call with the adjustment within the next few days if he approves. She looked over her shoulder for any sign of Andrew before she said the next sentence. “Between you and me, that shouldn’t be a problem…will he be though? Honey I don’t want anything else bad happening to you. Is everything alright with you?” she questioned, “If something is not alright between the two of you, doctor-patient confidentiality holds and we can seek help if...” she began, it took until she mentioned confidentiality that he realized what she was asking. Neil became angry that people who don’t even know anything about Andrew could draw such malicious conclusions about him. Neil wanted to lash out and tell her off like he did with anyone else that offended him or attacked those who were important to him, but he has just succeeded in getting more time with exy and it was a delicate game to play with his allowances he had just gotten.

 

He settled with a laugh as being appropriate, he tried to mimic Kevin’s fake congenial smile, “No, Lauren you must have things all wrong. I got this from the end of an exy request during a game. I play for Palmetto State, up the road. Andrew isn’t…well he could never.” He chuckled again and saw the tension in her shoulders visibly relax.

 

“Oh, ok hun, let me get you out of those leads, into some clothes and into a wheelchair and you can go.” She smiled sweetly and became removing the IV and needles from his hand. Neil had just noticed how pale his skin was and how garish the veins were with the translucent skin covering them. After seeing his eyes widen, the nurse continued rattling on with the steps he would achieve in recovering in the next week, dietary recommendations and also insisted the wheelchair was a legal necessity despite Neil’s vehement rejections to the idea.

 

After he was dressed, got his prescriptions, and wheeled out to another thankfully empty lobby, Neil slowly got up to meet Andrew at his car he had already parked just outside the door.

 

Once inside, Neil took a deep breath and inhaled the smell of stale cigarette smoke, until he realized Andrew had taken out another to light. Once they pulled into the parking lot at fox tower, Neil realized just how tired he had gotten, despite not doing anything particularly tiring that day. As Neil stood up he felt weak and immediately grabbed the top of the car for support and leaned heavily into the frame. He took a deep breath and righted his thoughts, determined he wouldn’t let this feeling persist and walked in the direction of the tower. Andrew, after locking the car and grabbing the bag both of them had shared asked “yes or no?”

 

Neil turned his head to roll his eyes before answering, “Yes.”

 

Andrew took Neil’s arm and supported half of his weight all the way until they got to their room. Everyone was in their common area watching a movie. The girls were all spread out on the couch, Matt and Kevin sitting on the floor in front of them, with Nicky and Aaron in the beanbags beside the couch. No freshman members were in sight, Neil felt relief at that realization.

 

Everyone, saving Aaron, abandoned the movie as soon as Neil’s red curls passed the threshold of the door and bombarded him with hugs and questions. Matt’s overly enthusiastic hug caused Neil to gasp in pain and everyone immediately jumped back at the involuntary indication of pain.

 

“Shit Neil sorry, we are all just so excited to have to you back I forgot why you were gone in the first place.” That sobering realization hit all of the team pretty hard.

 

Andrew’s iron grip on Neil tightened in anger. “Andrew, don’t” Neil whispered in German, catching Andrew’s attention, he continued to hold it “I’m tired and gross, can I go to bed?”

 

“If that happens again, he will regret it” Andrew replied as he helped Neil to the room.

 

Dan, Renee, and Allison all gave Neil squeezes of comfort on his arms as he passed them, Nicky gave Neil a warm smile. Before the two of them disappeared behind the door into the bedroom.

 

Andrew sat Neil down on his empty bed and left to turn the shower on. When he returned he asked, “Pain medicine, now or later?”

 

“Later.” Neil wanted a clear head for as long as possible.

 

Andrew gave no response, instead, he slowly started stripping Neil out of his clothes and tossing them aside to take care of later. Neil’s eyes followed Andrew’s hands as he took off his closed, his calloused hands surprisingly delicate with his motions. Once undressed, Neil got up and headed to the warm shower, unsure if Andrew would follow him in or not.

 

He did.

 

After Neil relished the warmth from the steaming water after the frigid days in the hospital for a few seconds, Andrew made his presence known by picking up a bottle of shampoo and waited for Neil to turn around and nod in consent. Andrew, with the lightest touch Neil didn’t know any man could possess, began washing his hair, careful to avoid Neil wincing at any pressure to where he was hit in the head. When Andrew had to reach up and unapologetically get on his tiptoes to get the top of Neil’s head, he trailed delicate kisses across his forehead. Neil sighed and leaned back into the cold tile, grounding himself. Andrew continued washing Neil up for a period of time longer than many would deem acceptable, but neither of them cared.  His fingers traced ever line in Neil’s skin, and his lips trailed behind this fingers, following the same path.

 

When Andrew had finished washing up as well, Neil reached a hand out from the tile and waited for a nod similar to the one he had given at the beginning of the shower. Andrew sighed with a “Yes” and Neil ran his fingers through Andrew’s hair in a silent plea to come closer. Andrew obliged and pressed Neil up against the wall, allowing his hands to trace the scars that marked Neil’s skin.

 

Neil, desperate for more purchase, allowed his other hand to pull Andrew’s arm firmly against him and moaned before he realized he had pulled too hard and winced at the pain that shot across his front.

 

Andrew froze. Neil immediately removed his hands and turned the water off. “Andrew it’s fi—“

 

Andrew held up one solitary finger to silence Neil and looked at him in the eyes with what most would see as a blank stare, but Neil saw years of flashbacks happening before Andrew’s eyes. “If you value what is left of my sanity you will not finish that sentence. Get out.”

 

Without argument, Neil silently got out of the shower and changed. Andrew wasn’t far behind. He had gotten better in the past year with Neil, allowing casual touches and tolerating Neil’s grimaces of pain with whatever new injury he had. But he still struggled with any accidental pain he caused himself, no matter how insignificant or unavoidable. Andrew changed without a word and left Neil standing in the middle of the room.

 

He came back with a glass of water and the paper bag of pill bottles he had left in the kitchen earlier. Neil took the pills without question and chased it with a generous gulp of water. Once he set the glass down he looked Andrew in the eyes.

 

“Still cold.” He stated more as a question than anything, knowing Andrew would know what that meant.

 

“Sounds like you have circulation problems.”

 

“The doctor didn’t say anything about it”

 

“Must be your heart then,” Andrew pondered complacently.

 

Neil rolled his eyes. “Yes or no?”

 

Andrew paused, unable to keep his malicious front up, he looked at Neil with weary eyes and gave no response.

 

“Andrew, it wasn’t you.”

 

“If you shut up, then yes.” Andrew looked to his bunk which required a ladder to get into versus Neil’s whose bunk was close to the floor and decided to just this once continue his considerate streak to make up for earlier and got into Neil’s bunk.

 

Neil grinned.

 

“Wipe that off your face or I’m leaving,” Andrew ordered. Neil could do no such thing as he climbed in after Andrew and turned to face him. The medicine started to make him feel all loopy and warm, his muscles relaxed and he fell asleep staring at Andrew.

 

 

The morphine worked wonders on Neil. He could feel next to nothing and was barely aware of the outside world for the first six to eight hours into the dose and groggy for the remaining four. He needed to take one pill when he woke up, and another before bed, allowing a few precious moments in between to do mundane tasks like eating, showering, and watching exy.

Andrew’s exit from the bed went unnoticed by Neil surprisingly, as both of them were jumpy when either stirred in bed. It was jarring to Andrew when he woke and turned his head to face Neil that he wasn’t met with his crystalline blue eyes. After everything he had seen over the past week, he didn’t mind this sight. The bags under Neil’s eyes had faded significantly, and his skin was looking more like…skin and not a thin gauze that held him together. He left one solitary pill beside Neil’s bed and a glass of water with a note taped to it that read “Or else” and left for class. He had no time to wake him up to take his medicine, he was already going to be late to class because of his extended lie in, that, and he always woke up too close to class starting anyways.

 

Neil woke to a blinding midday light coming through the window by Kevin’s bed and squinted at its intensity. Realizing the time, he panicked, he hadn’t noticed any noise made by his three roommates, especially form the one he had shared a bed with last night. He looked out from the bed half expecting Andrew to be towering over him with a glare that would send the devil himself cowering in a corner. Instead, he saw a glass, a pill and a note that contained two solitary words “Or else”.

 

Neil contemplated hiding them, pretending he had abided by what Andrew has told to do but he knew Andrew could tell when he was or wasn’t sober, just like Neil had done the day Andrew had picked him up from the airport. He threw back the pills, changed clothes and went into the common room to get a cup of coffee to somewhat counteract the drowsiness that would ensue from the drugs. After he successfully made his cup of coffee, he started drinking immediately while walking to the couch to turn on the exy network Kevin shamelessly pays extra for. He realized it was Wednesday when the network announced the games coming on in two days, and how he wouldn’t be playing. Next week was a bye-week so he had a shot at being able to play in the last few games before winter break. It was also one of Andrew’s busiest days with classes. Even though the team only took the minimum of four classes per semester, Andrew was in his junior year and took three of the four on Tuesdays and Thursdays, he had a lecture and a three-hour lab today, meaning he wouldn’t be back until an hour before a practice Neil wasn’t allowed to attend. At one point he would have scolded himself for remembering such useless information, but now it was something he deemed important enough to know for his everyday life. For a moment, he was thankful for the drugs, for doing what his willpower wouldn’t allow him. He didn’t trust himself to not at least try to get to practice and convince Wymack to let him stretch out.

 

Neil fell asleep before the newscasters finished their report and didn’t wake again until everyone returned. He suspected that Andrew had threatened the team to keep quiet and not wake him, that or he didn’t want to deal with Neil’s exy obsession as well. Andrew kicked Neil’s leg to jar him awake and shoved a bowl of food in his face in silent order to eat it. Andrew didn’t say a word as he stalked back to his room. A few moments later Andrew reappeared to leave through the door carrying a pack of cigarettes, giving away his intention to smoke on the roof.

 

After Andrew left Neil’s phone rang. He was surprised to hear it alive and annoying, but nonetheless, ringing. He reached over the coffee table to pick it up and the screen indicated an unknown number. He flipped it open and answered, “Hello?”

 

“Hello, Mr. Josten? This is the RN Lauren from Upstate Hospital. How are you today?”

 

“I’m fine.” Neil didn’t think that nurses following up with patients over the phone normal but was interested to see where this conversation went. “What makes you call?”

 

“Oh well, I just wanted to let you know that Dr. Johnson just received the request for shortened recovery orders and he will be calling you no later than Friday afternoon and he wants to see you sometime next week for a checkup.”

 

“How about Monday at 3?” Neil suggested, allowing himself plenty of time between class and practice for the annoying visit he will most likely cancel if the change goes in his favour.

 

“Sure thing. I’ll write that in his schedule. Bye.”

 

Neil hung up the phone, uninterested in exchanging any more pleasantries. Over the next hour the team started coming into the room, the girls and Matt first, followed by Nicky and Kevin, Aaron did not make an appearance as well as the freshman. Neil continued eating whatever mess of vegetables and meat Andrew had picked up from the dining hall as the rest of the team made themselves comfortable around the room. Nicky and Kevin made celebratory drinks for Neil’s return for anyone who wanted them, the rest watched as Matt played some multiplayer video game with everyone else taking turns. Everyone was enjoying each other’s company. Neil felt at peace with them around and was thankful he hadn’t taken his medicine yet; he wouldn’t have wanted to miss anything.

 

Allison was the first to have the courage to speak up to Neil. “So I think I speak for all of us when I say; the next time you feel like dying, don’t and just tell us.”

 

“Allison” Renee started but she held up her hand and took in a sharp breath.

 

“No Renee, this needs to be said. Neil, we almost lost you last year because you wouldn’t tell us what was going on. You now have had two near-death, possibly three if we want to count last Christmas break, experiences we have borne witness too and I will not allow another. We are all leaving this year and so help me God I will not have another one of us die. Okay? So next time, just tell us and we will take you to a doctor and you’ll get patched up and that will be the end of it. No more blood coming out of the ears and shit okay?”

 

Neil stared at her, stunned by her speech.

 

“I need an answer, Neil.”

 

“I understand”

 

“Good” she responded and looked to the now silent room to open the floor to allow the opportunity for anything else to be said.

 

“I think what Allison was trying to say is that you are a leader on this team now and we can’t afford to lose you because you are apart of this family. So what happened Friday night was one of our worst fears and this is all said out of love. So no dying allowed” Dan stated, smiling with a huge grin at the end. Matt muttered agreements.

 

“I’m feeling a group hug now that you are on painkillers and this was such a Kodak moment. What do you say?” Nicky butted in, killing the sentimental mood.

 

Neil shrugged in a noncommittal gesture which Matt and Nick automatically took as an absolute yes. Before Neil could protest, he was in the middle of a circle of bodies for a good twenty seconds before Renee suggested the allow Neil to breathe and potentially sleep.

 

They all left, Kevin shortly after, no doubt to go with Andrew for a night practice. Knowing that simple fact and that he couldn’t take his next dose for another hour even though the pain was beginning to flare up Neil couldn’t sleep. He decided to stay up with Nicky and work on homework from the past couple days in an attempt to catch up.

 

 

By the time Andrew had returned Neil’s eyes were beyond able to focus and he was exhausted. Neil watched him grab another pill and swallowed without complaint.

 

“I am too tired to get up”

 

“If I have known I wouldn’t have wasted the money on half the shit we put in your system last summer when you escaped through a bathroom window.”

 

“Desperation is a valuable lubricant.”

 

“Bed. Now.” Andrew ordered.

 

Neil smiled lazily, “So eager” he taunted and heaved himself up. He made for the bedroom at a sluggish pace and plopped into his bed. Andrew cocked an eyebrow at his absolute pathetic and loopy state before climbing up the ladder into his own bed.

 

Thursday passed the same way Wednesday had, uneventful and blurry. Neil remembered waking to the same setup of the glass and pills, no note, and changing into new clothes before making a break for the coffee machine to get any new updates on the games tomorrow. Before he fell asleep, Neil snagged a post-it from Kevin’s desk and wrote “Take me to practice tonight” and stuck the neon yellow square to his forehead before he passed out.

 

Neil was grateful to be stirred by Kevin who uttered the phrase “thirty minutes” but Neil was not cognizant enough to know what that meant until he heard some newscaster on the TV say “Exy” and he remembered what he had stuck to his forehead.

 

He immediately stood up and in an almost drunken state, went to his room to put some shoes on and a jacket to go. Kevin and he were walking out of the room when Andrew walked in to drop his bag off before taking Kevin to practice. Once he realized Neil’s attire was not for laying on the couch or in bed he said: “Not happening.”

 

“Why not?” Neil and Kevin said at almost the same time.

 

Andrew gave them a bored expression but spoke only to Neil, “Bed rest means no exy.”

 

“I will lay on the couch in the common room and watch film and take notes”

 

“Neil.”

 

“It's not physical activity”

 

Andrew contemplated for a moment, wondering the costs and benefits of arguing with Neil. He would make Neil keep his word, even if it means skipping another boring practice and watch him. He was going to make sure Neil didn’t push himself too far or lie about how he was feeling. He flipped the keys into his hand, turned on his heel and strode into the hallway.

 

Kevin and Neil, drunk with the small victory, almost bounced on their walk to the elevator. Nicky popped out of the doorway when he saw Andrew walk by and then his eyes rested on Neil walking down the hall and asked: “when did the doc say it was ok for Neil to go to practice?”

 

“He didn’t” Neil responded.

 

“Oh my god” Nick said in exasperation. “Aaron come on.”

 

Hearing Neil’s voice made the team come out of their rooms in a cluster for practice, even the freshman who were generally isolated from anything to do with the original nine’s drama dared to see what was happening. The had only heard about the things that happened to Neil, or briefly saw the scars on his skin in the locker room, but they were never privy to the whole picture Neil’s past painted.

 

Neil barely made the walk to the Maserati without falling over, but he made it enough to pass as a functioning human being.

 

The upperclassmen followed the monsters in, Andrew allowing Neil to lean on him slightly while the freshman followed close behind.

 

“I didn’t think you of all people would let an exy racquet stop you, but I guess you’re weaker than you lead on” Jack sneered as he passed Neil who collapsed on the couch while the others went to change out. The snide comment earned a hiss from Allison and a shove from Matt. Wymack emerged from his office and started toward the court when he caught sight of Neil and turned on his heel to see why he was there and not in bed.

 

“I’m not even going to entertain asking the question of why you are here.” Wymack paused, running a hand over his face and sighing. “What do you want. We have a game tomorrow so make it quick?”

 

“Footage. I can watch the footage to check over any last minute details I might have missed.”

 

“You have watched USC’s footage so much you should have the game memorized, they are not a threat and we know their game inside and out. Go home.”

 

“I’m not going home. I need the footage and I’m going to be here until practice is over and I am going tomorrow to the game.”

 

“Wasn’t planning on anything else. I’ll go get the footage but you are not to move from that couch or so help me God I will bench you until next semester.”

 

“Yes coach,” Neil replied simply, not in the mood to agitate Wymack tonight.  The team began filing out as Wymack returned with the supplies Neil needed. They stopped, confused as to why Neil was watching the same footage they had all already seen.

“The last person in the court is going to be signed up for the next marathon. Get going, we have a game tomorrow or did y’all forget?” Wymack ordered and the room cleared at record speed. He turned to go coach practice but said over his shoulder gruffly “I mean it, you stay on that couch,” and left.

 

The next 3 hours passed slowly. Neil was constantly pausing the film, recording positions, patterns, and rewinding to watch the same play over and over again. Eventually, he finished and passed out, unable to keep his eyes awake. He didn’t rest long, his phone jostled him awake and he answered without missing a beat.

 

“Hello?”

“Mr. Josten? This is Dr. Johnson from Upstate Hospital. I’m calling concerning your request for recovery order change.”

 

“Yes. And?” Neil pressed.

 

“After looking at our scans and improvement in a few days we have decided to approve your request for one week on bed rest and one-week physical therapy before approved for physical activity and furthermore, your involvement with your college team. I will send these over to our team’s athletic trainer Ms. Winfeild.” He paused, obviously doing something else while on the phone with Neil. “That puts your bed rest period ending on Monday, after that you may begin physical therapy.”

 

“Sounds good, Thank you. And I need to reschedule that appointment next week, I’ll call when I have an open time.”

 

“Ok Mr. Josten, have a nice day.” Neil hung up as soon as he could, not wanting to allow any more room for change

 

Not too soon did practice end and Wymack reappear in the common room. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t impressed that Neil had stuck to his word and not tried to get to court for practice. “Anything new?” as asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Just a few things,” Neil handed him two sheets of fresh notes, a small grin playing at his lips.

 

Wymack quickly glanced over his notes and continued talking to Neil about play patterns USC failed to change up. As the team started coming out of the locker rooms to leave Wymack asked Neil, “So what did the doc say about you coming back?”

Neil’s grin spread across his face even more, unable to contain his enthusiasm. Andrew had just walked in when he started, “Actually I just got off the phone with him and he said I can start physical therapy next Monday for a week and then I am allowed to practice again. He cut the time in half.”

 

“How did you manage that?” Wymack sounded worried but also impressed.

 

“I asked.” By now the whole team was frozen in place, sensing the tension that Andrew emitted into the space around him.

 

“And when exactly was this?” Andrew asked as he moved to stand in front of Neil and next to Wymack. It was evident in his tense shoulders that his blood was simmering, on the verge of boiling.

 

Neil hesitated, his grin gone, “Tuesday, while the nurse was discharging me.”

 

Andrew said nothing but stepped forward and looked Neil in the eye, “Yes or no?”

 

The team was used to hearing the phrase, but it usually involved Neil asking, Andrew wasn’t normally the one to instigate public displays of affection or emotion making the situation all the more puzzling.

 

“Yes,” Neil answered. It will always be a yes.

 

Andrew proceeded to take his hands and cradle Neil’s face gentle, giving it a once-over before pressing two fingers to Neil’s head, eliciting a wince and jerk from Neil, Andrew cocked an eyebrow in response. Neil had suffered worse head injuries. He then crouched down and prodded at Neil’s stomach which caused him to instantly double over in pain, the medicine had fully worn off and Neil was due another dose. Neil cursed under his breath at how soft he had let himself get with pain. His mother would be disappointed.

 

Disappointed didn’t even begin to cover the rage that Andrew radiated. Even Wymack didn’t dare to intervene, Andrew was off of his medicine and for the past year, everyone on the team had seen what he was capable of without it.

 

Neil lifted his gaze to Andrew’s and stared him in the eyes, holding his ground. “It will heal. I’m fine”

 

Andrew clenched his fists so hard, his nails dug into the palms of his hands drawing blood. Bullshit. _You are not fine. You almost died in my arms on our bathroom floor. I watched your body go limp and the took you away. You haven’t been fine for a while. You of all people should know just how fatal your injuries can be. Your own mother died from internal bleeding and you watched it happen. How could you be so dense about this?_  Was what Andrew wanted to say but all he muttered was “Just because you can watch someone bleed from the inside out and bury them, doesn’t give you the right to make me do the same” and walked out to his car.

 

Besides the door closing behind Andrew, the room was so silent, the hum off the fluorescent lights was deafening.

 

Wymack pulled the team back to reality, “We have a game tomorrow and I expect that to be our main focus. Now get” and he shooed them out. Neil stood up, not without difficulty and found that Andrew had already driven off. The rest of the monsters piled in Matt’s truck and Allison’s convertible for the ride back to fox tower.

 

Nicky and Matt tried to make light conversation despite the topic of death continuing to hang over their heads. Matt insisted the drop Neil at the curb because he needed to park near the back of the lot due to his truck’s massive size. Neil obliged, appreciating the time alone. He walked to his room and found a glass of water and two pills next to his bed. Instead of doing as he was silently told, he grabbed a thicker coat and headed to the roof, ignoring the growing ache in his stomach.

 

He heaved himself up the stairs and opened the door with ease. He saw Andrew hang up his phone and light another cigarette as he walked over. _Bee_. He thought.

 

“Go to sleep” Andrew ordered, hearing Neil’s footsteps approach him.

 

“Can’t” Neil responded, as he stood next to Andrew who was sitting with his legs dangling over the edge.

 

“Try harder. You have had enough field trip for the day.” Andrew said between drags. Neil saw two cigarettes freshly burned down to the filters beside Andrew. After a moment of silence between them, Neil decided to sit next to Andrew, leaving a gap between them for Andrew’s sake.

 

“I’m sorry.” Neil started.

 

“For what? Be more specific.” Andrew said, still refusing to make eye contact with Neil.

 

“I didn’t think… I hadn’t even considered what had happened with…” Neil couldn’t finish his sentence. He thought of his mother, the blood on the vinyl, the smoke mixed with saltwater. Andrew blew a cloud of smoke in his face and brought him back to the present.

 

“You never do” Andrew spoke.

 

“I don’t mean to put you in a situation like that. I wasn’t thinking. I’m here to stay, I’m not going to do anything on purpose to break that promise. You know that.” Those words were stronger than any other “forgive me” or “I’m sorry” could offer. Andrew held out what was left of his cigarette for Neil to hold.

 

“Junkie” was all Andrew muttered.

 

Neil shivered, alarming Andrew, his eyes sharp. “Sorry, just cold.”

 

“Let’s go to bed unless you’d rather try out hypothermia as a new way to die?” Andrew knew the question Neil had asked, the corner of his mouth twitched only just, giving away his forgiveness and his silent yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I love reading comments. They are my kryptonite. If you have anything else you want me to write about let me know! Much love <3

**Author's Note:**

> also come say hi on my tumblr @inspired-aspirer if you want! much love <3


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